so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
