First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How does one acquire holy water?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
