I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
