how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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