You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
