hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
