Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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