I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
