The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
