btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
3pm strippers are depressing
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
