Everything about him screamed your future.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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