He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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