she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
