Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Randomize
