let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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