I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
