I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
