when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm getting married
To pizza
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
