I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
