Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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