Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
