I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
