WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
