This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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