Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
