he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize