Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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