Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
