I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
