You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
