i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
