saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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