I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
