Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
