i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
In America we eat man semen.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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