waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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