why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
