I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
