Pants 0. Shit 1.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
