Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
