he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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