There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
do herpes really smell.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
