My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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