I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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