when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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