Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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