In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
