i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
