Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
