Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
