but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
