I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
