people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize