I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They took my balls.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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