I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
