I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
