Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I CAN MOONWALK!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
