I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
