U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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