I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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