what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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