can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
