I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
