Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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