I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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