nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
