dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
