I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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