Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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