Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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