woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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