TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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