How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
