Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
