OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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