Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
