theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
