some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
