Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
