I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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