you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
