I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
